Every purpose is established by counsel: and with good advice make war.
A wise person who will accomplish good things in his life must base his decisions on wise counsel. First, he must be able to discern what are the important decisions in his life that would require these counselors. Not every decision you will make in your life is of equal importance. Choosing a spouse, buying a property, incurring debt for the first time, joining the armed forces, or choosing a form of higher education are all key decisions that will set the direction of your life. Of course, the sort of advisors you choose are important. A president or head of state must choose his advisors carefully because he will base his decisions on their counsel. He may wish to take advisors who hold to different political perspectives and come from different backgrounds. But for those who lead in the state, it is critical that they be “able men, who fear God, hate covetousness, and love the truth” (Ex. 18:21).
This calls for humility within the person asking for counsel, and it is especially hard for young people who think that they have what it takes to make the most important decisions without any input from parents or elders in their lives. Think of all the young men or young women who ignore their parent’s advice and wishes in the choice of a spouse, and the course they set for themselves becomes painful and destructive. That one decision brings indescribable suffering to themselves and others, the effects of which continue for decades, even impacting generations after them! To understand the critical importance of our decisions and the need for counsel is basic to sound wisdom.
He that goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flatters with his lips.
How do you handle secrets? There are those who pick up a juicy tidbit about some other person, and they can hardly wait to share it with another. Revisiting the sinful behavior of others is generally unwise, unedifying, and even sinful. When a person gloats over the sinful failings of others, they find it therapeutic and self-justifying for themselves. But this gossip does nothing profitable for the sanctification of the saints and usually only sours relationships between brothers and sisters.
Wise and careful men will always operate on a “need to know” basis. The less said, the better. Yet the temptations are intensely strong to “spill the beans.” To make a point, you might tell a story of some person’s moral failure, but by giving away too many details, those listening have pretty much figured out the person’s identity you pretended to hide. Or you might drop a hint or two about some piece of information you have picked up about a brother. Then, your friends proceed to pry out the remaining details of the story. You could blame your indiscretion on your friends’ persistence, but your willingness to share the story was unmistakably obvious from the beginning.
Now on the flip side of gossip comes the sin of flattery. Those who are habitually unwise and less than truthful with their tongues make for unreliable and unfaithful acquaintances, and you would do well to keep a safe distance away from them. Often, slick salesmen will loosen their subjects up by flattery. They know how to make people “feel good about themselves.” Then they sell them a bill of goods, either by way of their ideological teaching or by selling them material goods. Advertisements selling hair shampoo inform all the women watching that “they’re worth it!” Men are encouraged to envision themselves in a shiny new sports car that brings out the suave, cool Casanova that lies within himself. These commercial advertisements form unrealistic self-images within the minds of the buyers and in the end leave them with disappointed expectations.
1. What are the most important decisions you will make in your life for which you would be foolish not to invite good counsel?
2. How much have we as a family engaged in gossip over the last month or two?
3. Have you ever been taken by advertisements that flatter?