Go not forth hastily to strive, lest you know not what to do in the end thereof, when your neighbor has put you to shame.
Debate your cause with your neighbor himself; and discover not a secret to another;
lest he that hears it put you to shame, and your infamy turn not away.
Not a day goes by when we do not have opportunity to disagree with somebody. As someone has remarked, “You can’t water every plant with your blood.” In the many battlefronts of life, it is unwise to view every single hill as something worth defending and dying for. Therefore, wisdom recommends that you consider carefully before you enter into a conflict with somebody. Before arguing with the taxman concerning the legitimacy of his taxing authority, consider the possibility of losing the case. Or before you take a neighbor to a small claims court over some questionable injustice, it would be better to speak to him face to face first. Otherwise, you may lose both the case and the good favor of your neighbor forever. Taking a neighbor to court almost always permanently destroys the relationship. If you have ever had a neighbor who was hostile toward your family, you know how the contention can make life miserable for everybody. It can result in long term stress and become a thorn in the side for decades.
In any disagreement, you need to remember this simple rule: the less said, the better. Never forget that any words of slander or gossip spoken against another are pure poison and they will come back to bite you. Nobody appreciates a slanderer, and your reputation will be tainted if others are privy to what you have done.
Of course, it takes courage to face a neighbor or a brother with a disagreement. But this is a hundred times better than nursing a disagreement for months on end and then resorting to gossip or the small claims court. It would be better to overlook the fault entirely because 90% of all disagreements can negatively affect a relationship for a period of time. If, however, you cannot overlook the fault, then you will need to apply the delicate art of loving confrontation. Do not resort to letter-writing or even phone calls. You need to speak to your neighbor face to face about the matter. First, admit whatever fault you bear in the conflict and ask for his forgiveness. Hopefully, this will clear the air for you to bring your grievance to his attention.
1. Do we as a family enter into too many conflicts with each other or with others outside the home? What is a proper balance between avoiding conflict and dealing with issues? Under what conditions might it be proper to enter into a conflict and face somebody with a disagreement?
2. Why is it so tempting to talk about disagreements with others and give way to gossip?
3. What is the best way to approach people if you have to confront them with their sin?